More Than Less Than Perfect

I am so glad I don't have a "Jesus fish" tattooed on my forehead. Or stuck on the back of my car.

I am guilty of getting in others' way of receiving the Gospel. I am guilty of not even caring about the lost or anyone who "gets in my way".

The reason could be is that I am so jealous of others' seemingly carefree lives. I know Proverbs says the jerks will get theirs...but why can't it be NOW and when I can see? I know that the Lord will reward us in heaven for sucking it up and loving these people and doing all we can to reach them. I have so much to do "for the Lord" that I can't take any time for MYSELF, let alone someone else. Then, when I DO try to be patient with these people and give them the time of day, they spit on me. Oh yeah, Jesus might know a thing or two about that. Ugh. Nailed again with my selfishness.

I've done the emptying part - you know ... empty yourself and let the Lord fill you up with good things. I haven't mastered the filling up part yet - just sitting and soaking in His love for us all, His love for me. Right now, I am just empty, so how can an empty shell be any kind of witness for Christ? I can't. It's completely impossible, yet I WANT to. Do I get credit for that? Probably not. Not in the Kingdom.

It's like WANTING to be a size 6 ... it's possible, but not without any action.

Step one is knowing you have a problem, right? The thing is, I've been on step one for ... well, all my life. I'm an idea person; I love to brainstorm in groups - but I am not the one to delegate things to. Why has God delegated this task to such a weak people? How can the weak help the weaker?

I truly believe discipleship must be rooted in your heart before you can do any kind of effective witnessing. You can tell someone Jesus saved your soul, but if your life looks no different, what will convince them? Being armed with knowledge and the anointing of the Holy Spirit is probably the only way to successfully gain an outsider's trust.

I can't even love myself right. I can't love my husband or my family right. As it's been said in our messages at church (Keith Porter, and he probably ripped it off and gave the credit, but I wouldn't remember to whom), you can only love to the extent that you yourself have been loved. Then, more recently he said...Jesus helps those who can't help themselves, and know it. Well, I know it, but is my heart open to His guidance?