Smiling Heart

Well, significant others, I guess I've reached my decision on the whole deal with being the one who is truly in charge of running the household:  it's always going to be your job.  

In consulting with another person in my situation, this person basically said that they gave up.  A long time ago.  Because their spouse is never going to change, you can't change them, and even when they do get the bright idea that they are going to "help", it causes more harm than help most times.  

So, I give up.  I can only do what I can do.  No one comes in my house until  I'm ready.  If my husband doesn't like that, then he needs to change.  Until then, which is probably never, I am doing what I can do, which most days is very little, since the amount that needs to get done is so monumental.

But, hey, I have learned that hiring out is nothing to sneeze at.  And, I think my husband knows better than to ask why, or how much, or can we afford it.  Because if he does, and has any kind of attitude of "why can't you do it", I will probably push him down the stairs.  

It has been worth paying someone else to mow the lawn when last year, it brought me to tears trying to find the time and strength to do it.  This year, that worry is nonexistent.  I don't even think about the lawn.  It is so great that I don't even notice when last year (and in other years past), every time I got home, my heart was stressing over it.

It has been worth paying someone else to help me finish remodeling a bedroom upstairs.  Yes, I will pay you by the hour to come and help me move books and furniture and to sand the floor.  Know why?  Because it will never get done if I am expected to do it myself.  

Do we have financial problems?  Yes.  Can I still justify paying someone for these things?  Yes.  Because they are not costing any more than 3-4 meals at a fast food restaurant, and to my aching, stressed out heart, it's worth it.  And, it should be worth it to my husband too - because if my health goes in the tank, we are both screwed.  Not even because he loves me, but just for that practical reason.  

So, significant others, give up on your partners if they are reluctant to follow a pattern of cleanliness.  They will not change unless they want to, and let's face it - how many of us will ever really change the way we are?  We can hope and pray, but until that day comes, just give up, do what you can, and ignore their negligence.  Your heart will be much healthier.